When to Let Go
5 Situations that Cannot Be Resolved through Relationship Therapy
Many relationships can benefit from the tips and techniques offered by a relationship therapist. It’s why I do what I do, and it’s honestly the best feeling to see couples developing their communication skills and strengthening their emotional intimacy.
But unfortunately, not all relationships can benefit from exercises and communication that are designed to help understand your partner’s feelings and inner world.
Where Therapy Does Not Help
Save your time and money and do not engage in therapy if:
1. Domestic Violence Is Present in the Relationship.
Couples experiencing battery should never engage in relationship therapy. Victims of battery should look for help to leave the relationship. Couples who have made mistakes and who have infrequently become physical (a push, slap, poke, or shove) may be suitable for couples therapy.
2. The Relationship Is Over.
When one partner has decided that the relationship is over, it is time to let go. If the goal of your couples therapy is to improve your emotional connection and communication, a couple should first be sure that’s what they both want to achieve.
If you already know you are going to leave the relationship but are participating in therapy to appease the other person before ending the relationship, therapy won’t be successful.
3. There Is A Relationship Secret.
Relationship secrets are crippling. Some are small and harmless and involve a family traditional soup recipe that you can’t stand the taste of. These you can live with. Others are huge. They have weight you can almost feel-affairs, drug use, pornography use, gambling, illness, etc. Secrets have the power to shake the foundation of relationships and disrupt couples therapy.
If a secret has been shared and is now out in the open between a couple, therapy can then be useful to heal the feelings of betrayal, to reestablish communication, and to help rebuild trust. But while a secret is kept, your relationship therapy is compromised.
4. You Need Your Therapist to Take Your Side.
If you’re looking to have your therapist vindicate you or vilify your partner, couples therapy is not for you. A relationship therapist is not a judge. In therapy, success depends on each partner’s ability to take guidance from the therapist and engage in therapeutic interventions.
5. Not Walking the Walk
Therapy cannot repair a relationship overnight, and change does not happen magically. Both partners have to work at it. It requires intentional effort, practice and persistence to implement changes outside of session.
If one or both partners are unwilling to put in the work, then there is not much more that a therapist can do for the relationship.
No Need for Couples Therapy
When you are seeking out therapy, it is because you’re unhappy. But if couples therapy cannot help-that is, if your relationship fits one of these descriptions-it may be time to let go and move forward.
This blog is not meant to be a substitute for couples therapy or relationship counselling. This should not be construed as specific advice. See a relationship therapist in your area to address your specific problems.